Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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