My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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