Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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