They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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