Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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