Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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