You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
