Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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