Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
