you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
