Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
