just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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