My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
