Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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