He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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