Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
