Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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