Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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