just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
