sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
