how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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