Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
