I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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