Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
