so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
