So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
