He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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