I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
