I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
