if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
