why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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