Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
