So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
