As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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