So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
