you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
