butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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