We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
