So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
