That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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