The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's official drugs can't kill me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
