I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
