i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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