I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
