I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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