..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
