i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I believe in your delicious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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