oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
