We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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