I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
