My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
